This post is technically one day late, but due to the awesomeness of the internet, I can date it as yesterday. Why; because I'm somewhat of a neat freak.
Second, I mentioned with my last post some inspiration I had from Romans 4. I also had some inspiration from a friend of mine, some discussions we had before I left. For two reasons I decided to do this one first. One, it was more closely tied to the last post, and two, it provided some encouragement from Biblical examples.
Romans 4 gives us a view of two men, Abraham and David*. And while at first it's topic (justification by faith) seems somewhat off for this blog, I do have an idea of what I'm doing.
First David, because his more closely ties in. In Romans Paul quotes the Psalm David wrote upon knowing the intense forgiveness of God, after a time of hidden sin. For, at least, nine months, David had hidden his sins. Adultery, murder**. This was the man after God's own heart.
And yet, he'd stumbled, and he had fallen far. But rather than admit his sins, he hid them. Shame, guilt, fear, desire, whatever it was, he couldn't admit that he had been wrong. Not before anyone.
He describes it in the Psalm like this: "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer."
This man was no longer after God's own heart. Instead he hid his own and tried to forget the past that was killing him. Until God took him head on. After an intervention by a prophet, David confessed, and though he still faced the consequences of his sin, God forgave him. Verse 5: 'Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "—and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah'
Verses 1 and 2 describe his great freedom afterwards. "Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit." Whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Not hidden away, but covered by the mercy of God. In whose spirit is no deceit. Can you say that of yours? Can I of mine?
And Abraham. His example is not of something hidden away, but one can see the struggles in his life. Twice, for fear, he claimed his wife as his sister, and for it, kings suffered. But God called him righteous. And for what, a brilliant offering of his only son? No. Only faith, belief. He trusted God.
Oh if only I trusted God enough to leave him in charge of my secrets. But instead I scramble to hide them for fear that someone might know that I'm not the perfect Christian, but just human, like them. Sure I fear they'll judge me more harshly. I fear rejection, disgust. I even fear being chased from God completely.
But my bones are groaning, and my strength is sapped. My only encouragement is that, like David, God will forgive the guilt of my sin. I will rejoice, for my sins will be covered. And, like Abraham, my trust may be accredited to me as righteousness.
* I could mention a score of other characters throughout scripture, who would fit for this blog. But these two were my inspiration. So these are the two I (God?) chose.
** For those who don't know the story, David, when he ought to have been off to war, was wandering his palace when he saw Bathsheba bathing on her roof. Lust led to adultery, led to conception. So David sent for her husband, hoping Uriah would take his break with his wife. Uriah would not, so David instead had him killed, and married the widow once her time of mourning was over.